Written by Erin Crawford Aug. 18, 2008

I am taking issue with a certain lasagna. It is one that I actually made and it is currently in my refrigerator. No small feat considering that there is more than one ingredient and there is mixing and timing involved. The first hurdle was having the bare minimum of ingredients on hand at the same moment inspiration strikes. The second hurdle was the fact that the recipe is enough to feed a family of a billion. I may be slightly exaggerating, however, there is only so much lasagna a girl can eat. Not including my four year old, Edie, who doesn’t go near any food source that resembles food.

I am also taking issue with what seems to be robots taking over the world, and not in a fun way. There is no other explanation for the emails in my inbox from the likes of Howard Dean, Campbell’s Kitchen, or any company I have ever even thought about buying something from, and very recently Michelle Obama. I mean, really what is the expiration date on these informative emails that escape my junk folder filter. It could be that I am not up to speed on the latest and greatest technology things that neglegate (is that a word yet?) this issue in my life. It is also possible that I signed up for some of this stuff along the way.

It isn’t just my email account, it is the paper based mail that I receive everyday addressed to all of my aliases and my ex-husband, not to mention my deceased husband and his currently not deceased father who has the same name, save an initial. Who sends this stuff? Any investigations I have pursued are met with the reply of “oh the computer (i.e. Mr. Robot) just sends this stuff. What a colossal waste of a tree. I suspect the Postal Workers are in on it, you know, to remain “gainfully employed”. It’s a tough economy.

The text messages and voice mails I receive from robots are also quite annoying. And don’t even get me started on my robot vacuum the Roomba. F*ck him - totally high maintenance and currently on the fritz (not unlike my last boyfriend). But back to my lasagna, I wish that it was the era of the Rosie Robot from the Jetsons. She would probably know how to make lasagna for one, or at least invite the Lost in Space robot over, he looks like a hearty eater. As far as robots I think I’d like to hang out with, C3PO seems like a good conversationalist and perhaps even a personal stylist/assistant type and R2D2 is all cute like a pet or a child.

I guess my issue isn’t so much with the impersonal robots that rule my communication sphere, or the giant lasagna that I don’t even want to look at, much less throw away. It’s probably more psychoanalyze-y than that. I am probably just feeling a tad lonely and not all that hungry and am looking for some sort of consistent stimulation (ahem) and dealing with having to answer incessant questions from the food-abhorring four year old. Maybe my meds are off, I don’t know. But until the time of lasagna loving, companion type, not annoying, and demographically-convenient robots come along, I will just make do.