We’ve heard a lot about the green initiatives being instituted around companies across the country. We fully support recycling, saving energy by turning off our lights and cooking our food under Bic lighters powered by oil of hemp. In 2007, we thought this green thing would go away after people got bored of rinsing out their Ragu(tm) jars and putting them in a roach-accessible carton for a few moldy days. But no, we Americans have proven that we can stick to things we believe in. We may want to beat you down if you cut us off in traffic, but if you are driving a Prius, we’ll feel guilty about all the things we screamed at you. Your mother probably isn’t really a whore.

Here, at MeZine, it’s part of our 2008 Corporate Goals to go green. No, we don’t recycle or anything like that. Let’s face it, it’s too hard. But, after months of research, we discovered a way to save the rain forest by doing not very much at all. And if there’s anything we like doing here at MeZine, it’s doing not very much at all. Therefore, we would like to roll out the 2008 MeZine Corporate Green Initiative Policy. Yes, MeZiners, together we can save the rain forest by chopping down the root of all evil: the stick figure. If we don’t kill these unseemly stick figures, our forests will remain in jeopardy. We can’t save the rain forest alone, but we know you, loyal lover of the environment, can help us beat those mean, ungreen stick figures and make the world a greener place to live. And all without creating a cockroach convention in your foyer.

Hug a tree, not your kids.