Last night’s Academy Awards was probably the worst I’ve ever seen. The producers should be hung upside-down from the ankles by Suge Knight. I was horrified when they corralled multiple winners on stage and gave awards in the nosebleed section. So much for the Academy thanking it’s industry talents, by having awards given in the seats it was clear the audience was solely there for backdrop. I don’t care how behind-the-scenes your credit is, everyone deserves their moment on the stage. Don’t treat the talent like cattle, they won’t work with you again.

Some other thoughts:

Chris Rock was genius. He had me laughing the entire time. He is an equal opportunity basher –including himself — and I loved every minute of him. I am so glad someone in Hollywood finally had the nerve to publicly dis Colin Farrell. I’d be interested to see how Rock did in the heartland, though.

Poor Martin Scorsese, the Susan Lucci of cinema. Every time he loses a best director award, his brows grow 5 inches.

Note to Jamie Foxx: When you welled up at the Golden Globes it was touching. This time it was snooze city (and were you kinda faking it, sorta?). But I liked the shout out to the grandma at the end.

I’m having I heart Clint t-shirts made up. Anyone who wants one can send me lots of cash.

The best dress was Gisele, the worst was that chick who wore neon green and was corralled on stage for some award like cinematography.

When will they start thanking the plastic surgeons with an award of their own? Virginia Madsen hasn’t aged in like 15 years.

I was waiting for Renee Zellweger to trip. Sister needs an Extra Value Meal #3 and another tailor.

What is up with The Reclusive One suddenly being at every awards show under the sun? By this I mean, of course, the awkwardly-coiffed Prince.

I see P Diddy, the most irrelevant of the announcers, muscled his way in. He’s never looked so out of place…or dumb. Again, someone call Suge for me.

Overall, it was a snoozer. Chris Rock was the highlight for me. Someone give that man an Oscar, cuz I’m pretty sure he won’t be invited back. And that’s a damn shame.